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How it is not so difficult to say goodbye in kindergarten
Especially in the early days, many children find it very difficult to say goodbye to dad or mom in kindergarten or daycare. When the little ones cry bitterly, parents often feel guilty. Experts give some tips on how to cope better with such a situation.
Bitter tears when saying goodbye
When little Heiko (name changed by the editors) came to kindergarten, there were always many tears when his mother said goodbye. The three-year-old then sobbed: "Please don't go away mom" and clung to her. Erika Kaiser (name changed by the editors) then plagued guilt. The 31-year-old had just returned to her job. The teacher wondered if it would be better not to leave Heiko at home. Didn't she do justice to her little son? In a message from the dpa news agency, experts give tips on how to better deal with such situations.
Parents should initially stay in kindergarten
"Transitions are always something that creates more or less problems for children," explains graduate psychologist Bodo Reuser. The head of the Psychological Counseling Center for Educational Questions at the Evangelical Church in Mannheim knows situations like that of Heiko from his working life. He recommends that parents take their time, settle in their children in kindergarten and stay there initially. This is also important if the child has previously attended a crèche. "This phase usually lasts from several days to weeks."
Together, we can do it!
His mother was also in kindergarten with Heiko in the early days. "As long as I was in kindergarten, everything went well," said Ms. Kaiser. When Heiko was supposed to remain alone in the group after two weeks, there were problems. Already the evening before he said: "I don't want to go to kindergarten tomorrow". Then there were bitter tears in the kindergarten and the little boy looked desperate. "That took me a lot," recalls the mother. In such situations, Reuser advises you to be calm. The tearful farewell is often just a snapshot.
"At that moment the child may have a feeling of insecurity, or may be gripped by it:" I don't want to be here now. "Parents should not take the child home with them, but signal: we can do it! Together with the child, they can find ways to help with the grief. Maybe it makes sense to take a beloved cuddly toy to kindergarten at the beginning? Maybe there is also an educator or another child whom the newcomer already has confidence in? This can help overcome the pain of parting.
Don't just sneak away in the morning
When saying goodbye in the morning, dad and mom should say goodbye rather than steal away quietly. "For example, I can use the watch to show when I return," said Reuser. Parents should definitely stick to the announced time and be back a little earlier than a little later. Even children who have been to kindergarten for a long time sometimes don't want to separate in the morning. According to Reuser, there are usually no serious problems behind it, but rather "normal everyday stories" such as an argument with a friend the day before. It is then helpful to inquire sensitively and to look for solutions together. "When children realize that dad and mom take me seriously, they can usually be reassured quickly."
Find a conversation with the teacher
If there is a bigger problem behind the morning displeasure, parents can often notice this from the behavior of their child. "Most parents have a very good gut feeling, whether something is wrong or the child simply does not want to go to kindergarten," says Sabine Lente from the specialist advice for Protestant day care centers for children in Bonn. "If it was difficult to say goodbye, the child should be comforted again at the latest half an hour later." Parents and educators should be attentive if a child is depressed for a long time, withdraws, is not involved or aggressive. If parents have the impression that there are serious problems in kindergarten, such as harassing behavior of other children, it is essential to speak to the educators about their own fears. Then solutions can be found together. "If I have the feeling during the conversation that the educator perceives the situation significantly differently than I do, there is also the possibility to ask an advice center for an assessment and possible solutions," said Reuser. Sometimes it can also make sense to see a doctor. Because mentally conspicuous children need better care, as the professional association of pediatricians in Germany recently warned.
Changes can be stressful
In some cases, it is also changes at home that are stressful for the child and make it difficult for them to separate. This can be, for example, a noise between the parents, a move or the birth of a sibling. Reuser also advises in such cases: “The parents should think together with the child: what would help you? What could we do? ”Heiko and his mom also found support from the teacher. In the meantime, the little one likes to go to kindergarten and tears are long gone. (Ad)